Do you often say “yes” when you really want to say “no”? Do you feel guilty when you prioritize your own needs? If yes, you might be stuck in the cycle of people-pleasing. While being kind and helpful is a good trait, constantly trying to make others happy at your own expense can harm your emotional well-being.

This blog will help you understand what people pleasing is, why we do it, and most importantly—how to stop it the right way. Let’s dive into the topic in a simple and practical way.

What Is People Pleasing?

People pleasing is when someone puts others’ needs, opinions, or happiness ahead of their own, often at the cost of their own comfort or values. People pleasers tend to avoid conflict, fear rejection, and constantly seek approval. It’s not just about being nice—it’s about losing yourself in the process of trying to make everyone else happy.

According to psychologists, people-pleasing behavior can stem from childhood experiences, trauma, low self-esteem, or a deep need for external validation (Psychology Today).

Why Do People Become People Pleasers?

There are many reasons why someone becomes a people pleaser:

1. Fear of Rejection

People pleasers often fear being disliked or abandoned. Saying “no” feels risky, as if it might cost them relationships.

2. Desire for Approval

Getting praise or appreciation gives them a sense of worth. Over time, they become addicted to this external approval.

3. Avoiding Conflict

Some people grow up in environments where conflict was dangerous or discouraged. So they try to avoid disagreements at all costs.

4. Upbringing and Cultural Norms

In many cultures and families, children are taught to obey elders, suppress their emotions, or put others first. This can create a mindset that continues into adulthood.

How People Pleasing Affects You

Being overly focused on pleasing others may sound noble, but it can lead to several negative effects:

• Mental fatigue from always trying to meet others’ expectations.
• Loss of identity because you’re always pretending to be someone you’re not.
• Burnout from overcommitting and neglecting your own needs.
• Low self-worth, as your value depends on how others see you.
• Unhealthy relationships, where others take advantage of your kindness.

As clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen explains, people-pleasers often become resentful and emotionally exhausted, even though their actions appear selfless on the surface (Hendriksen, 2018).

The Right Way to Stop People Pleasing

Overcoming people-pleasing behavior doesn’t mean becoming selfish or rude. It means learning to value your own needs equally. Here’s how you can stop people pleasing—gently, respectfully, and effectively.

1. Understand Your Triggers

Start by noticing when and why you people please. Is it around certain people? In certain situations? Are you afraid of disappointing someone or being judged?

Keeping a journal can help. Write down situations where you said “yes” but wanted to say “no,” and reflect on what made it hard to set boundaries.

2. Practice Saying “No” Politely

You don’t need to be harsh or defensive when saying “no.” Use polite yet firm language, such as:

• “I’m sorry, I can’t commit to that right now.”
• “Thanks for thinking of me, but I need some time for myself.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”

Remember: “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe people long explanations.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are limits you set to protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. They are not walls; they are lines that let others know how to treat you.

Start small. For example, you can set boundaries on your time by not answering work calls after hours or not agreeing to help with something when you’re already busy.

Author Brené Brown, in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, emphasizes that people with strong boundaries are actually more compassionate, not less. That’s because they don’t feel used or resentful (Brown, 2010).

4. Work on Self-Worth

Often, people-pleasing behavior comes from a belief that your worth depends on others’ opinions. Start reminding yourself that you are valuable just as you are. Self-worth should come from within, not from approval.

Practice affirmations like:

• “I am enough just as I am.”
• “I can be kind without abandoning myself.”
• “My needs are just as important as others’.”

Therapy or counseling can also help build self-esteem and reframe unhealthy thought patterns.

5. Accept That Not Everyone Will Like You

One of the most freeing realizations in life is this: you can’t please everyone—and that’s okay. Some people might be disappointed when you stop overextending yourself. But your peace of mind is worth it.

When you start setting boundaries and being honest, your relationships become more genuine. People who truly care about you will respect your needs.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Healthy friendships and family connections are those where you feel seen, heard, and respected. If someone only likes you when you agree with them or do what they want, that’s not a healthy relationship.

Try to spend more time with people who support your growth, not your guilt.

7. Be Patient With Yourself

Breaking the habit of people pleasing takes time. You’ve probably been doing it for years, so don’t expect change overnight. Celebrate small wins. Every time you speak your truth, even in a tiny way, you are reclaiming your voice.

Final Thoughts

Stopping people pleasing doesn’t mean you stop being kind. It means learning to be kind to yourself too. When you respect your own needs and speak your truth, you’re actually setting an example for others to do the same. You’ll find that your relationships become healthier and your life feels more authentic.

Remember: You don’t have to earn love or approval. You are enough—just as you are.

The Best Way to Manage Studies and Work

References

1. Psychology Today. (n.d.). People-Pleasing. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/people-pleasing
2. Hendriksen, E. (2018). How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. St. Martin’s Press.
3. Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing. Retrieved from: https://brenebrown.com/book/the-gifts-of-imperfection/
4. Verywell Mind. (2023). What Is a People Pleaser? Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/are-you-a-people-pleaser-5184626
5. Cherry, K. (2022). How to Stop Being a People Pleaser. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184627